Contract for soccer parents

Some soccer parents are especially noisy on the sidelines at youth games. A rare few are even verbally abusive towards players, referees, other coaches, and other spectators. This is plain bad and wrong and there's not much more to say about that.

A far greater number of parents commit the simple transgression of shouting instructions at the players. While the coach often watches slack-jawed with dismay. Especially when the instructions show a gross ignorance of the strategic complexities of the game, the cognitive capacities of the kids, and everything the coach has taught them for the preceding three months of training.

Whether the instructions are well-intentioned or not, it's just wrong to do it. I won't get into it here. Most of my readers are already aware of how shouting instructions interferes with the ability of the kids to develop their own decision making capacities for the long term.

In recent discussions about "silent sidelines" in soccer (great concept), I mentioned to a couple of coaches that I have had good success with the parent contract that I get my team parents to sign at the start of every season. I call all of the parents to a meeting before the season begins, I hand out the contracts, I provide writing implements for signatures, and I get the parents to read through the contract line-by-line with me before collecting their signed contracts.

Asking for their signatures may seem a bit over the top, but trust me—when people have to provide their signature on a contract rather than simply "read over" a sheet of polite recommendations from the coach, they really pay attention. 

A couple a coaches have asked to see the parent contract that I use. I reproduce it below. Please note that this is an amalgam of my own writing and an excellent parent contract created by a young coach named Evan Peterson in Victoria a few years ago. He's an urban planner now but we'll forgive him that. 

Parent Contract

Conduct at Soccer Games & During the Season

As a parent spectator at my daughter’s soccer games, I will:

·       Remember that my daughter plays soccer for her own enjoyment, not mine;

·       Praise and emphasize my daughter’s effort, development, and skill over winning;

·       Relax and enjoy my daughter’s soccer games, regardless of the circumstances and the score;

·       Promote the emotional well-being of all players, and not simply the well-being of my daughter;

·       Make my comments and cheering supportive, as players already feel enough pressure;

·       Never yell a negative remark at any player, including my own daughter, for any reason;

·       Acknowledge good play from both my daughter’s team and the opposition team;

·       Never shout remarks that question the judgment or honesty of a referee or assistant referee;

·       Let the coaches do the coaching at every game and every practice;

·       Never shout instructions to players from the sidelines, under any circumstance:

o   For example, I will not shout "Shoot it!", "Pass it!", "What are you doing!?", "Kick it away!”

o   This even includes “intelligent” instructions such as "Go wide!", "Keep your head up!", "Cover her!", "Get back!", and "You’re offside!"

·       Offer simple, positive, supportive comments such as:

o   “Great passing!”, “Way to work, girls!”, “Great shot!”, “Nice try!”

·       Understand that young players need opportunities to practice decision making during games.

·       Recognize that the best way to learn decision making is to be permitted to make decisions, including “incorrect” decisions;

·       Understand that players do not develop their own decision making when I shout instructions;

·       Understand that professional athletes get yelled at all the time, but it is a negative distraction and arousal that they face in the context of having signed a multi-million dollar contract.

Furthermore, I will:

·       Speak first with the coach regarding any concerns I have about my daughter or the team, before I vocalize them on the sideline or to another parent;

·       Wait to discuss any concerns with the coach away from the field of play or outside of practice;

·       Feel free to approach the coach with any concerns regarding my daughter’s soccer. 

[Signature line for parents and guardians with date]  

* * * * *

There you have it. It can probably be tweaked and improved, but I can report that it has worked well thus far. 

I also like the idea of silent sidelines. I know there are some parents, and some youth club cultures, that really struggle with stifling inappropriate comments from the bleachers. Silent sidelines costs nothing and promises great outcomes. 

(Once the kids get into their mid-late teens and have developed the cognitive skills to filter some of the nonsense shouted from the stands, perhaps we can rejoin the screaming and yelling—if we still think it has any value.) 

Copyright © 2014 by Jim Grove. All rights reserved.