For me, it's really simple. The fun too often gets sucked out of the game for them through their early years, and they finally quit when they realize they're big enough to push back against mom and dad or the loud-mouth coach.
Think about the word "play" for a minute, and then consider how it relates to "playing" a sport. Then consider this photo of a group of boys I met in Costa Rica when I went down to play in a Master's soccer tournament in April.
I have shown this photo to a number of people. It always gets warm "oohs" and "aahs" and "they're so cute". One friend mused wistfully, "What is that twinkle in their eyes?"
I think I can tell you, judging by the short game I had with these boys, together with my experiences playing soccer with kids elsewhere in Latin America: it's the uncorrupted joy of play.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. If that's true, then you're seeing joyful souls in these eyes.
Sadly, that kind of joy is something that I've rarely seen in the eyes of Canadian kids past 5 years of age. And I've been coaching soccer for 15 years with teams from U6 to U21. Most often I see fear and self doubt. Slain spirits. Diminished souls.
And not because the kids carry any personal regrets for missing a shot or losing a game. It's because they carry regrets for not pleasing the adults.
What does it mean to play with joy? It means to play with the careless abandon that only comes when there is no sense that anyone is watching or evaluating. No parents screaming what to do, no coaches belittling you for missing the shot or failing to make the save.
Latin America, at least what I've seen of it, is different from Canada and the United States in this regard. The adults in Latin America just watch with mild amusement as their kids play. They sit in the shade and smile quietly, murmur to each other. They know that this is children's play, and playing a game like soccer is as natural as breathing and eating and sleeping.
Win, lose or draw, it doesn't matter. They know the kids learn as they make mistakes, and they know the kids get better the longer they play.
One day when their children are in their late teens, the adults might start to take an interest in their team's win-loss record and their personal stats. But that's if their kids put on the shirt of a professional club or something close to it.
Recently there has been a debate in parts of Canada around eliminating soccer league standings for divisions below U12. Hyper-competitive parents and coaches have come out of the woodwork to cry the warning: Our children will no longer learn how to compete. We will be raising a nation of wimps if we eliminate trophies and personal playing stats for 8 year olds.
These people obviously haven't travelled to Costa Rica, or Chile, or Argentina, or any of the greatest hotbeds of talent development in soccer. Or if they have, they haven't spent anytime with kids there or playing soccer.
Go watch any kids soccer game in the sandlots of Latin America. There are no trophies, no league standings and no coaches. But the kids compete ferociously. They play their hearts out. They know the game is about scoring goals, and they want to score goals. They want to win. And they don't need adults to tell them that.
I hope anyone reading this will look at the photo above and take the message to heart. As adults, we don't need to yell at our kids or "teach them to compete". If you want your kids to have the chance to become great athletes, just support them with hugs and cheers, help them to find lots of opportunity to play, make sure they are getting positive coaching, and most importantly of all, make sure they are having FUN.
Most often this means you just have to keep your mouth shut. Coaches too.
I love looking at this photo. I love the twinkle in the eyes of these kids. It helps me remember.
Copyright © 2012 by Jim Grove. All rights reserved.
